When is enough, enough? Enough time, money, emotion and personal health spent on trying to have a baby? A few weeks ago I answered this question differently every day. One day my emotions felt I had experienced all I could handle. I have been let down 5 times, and not to mention the Surrogensis scandal that wiped out our escrow account, really how much more can I handle emotionally. The next day I felt we can not bare to spend another dime trying to achieve our life long goal of having a family. Really is it worth all the money we have spent and will continue to spend? Then there is time...I'm 39 for crying out loud, I should have toddlers by now, not making plans to have a new born in 9 months. I find myself scanning magazine and making mental notes of all the celebrities that are pregnant or just gave birth and their age. OK so Celine Dion just gave birth to twins at 42 and I'm only 39...yeah!!! Then there is my personal health...I have RA and have been off of my medication in hopes my eggs will be good enough to make some fabulous embryo's. Marcio and my family are all concerned about my health during this time. Certainly a valid concern, but for me if my days have to be more challenging physically for a few months so I can have a chance at having a biological child, I will do it and without complaining. I feel negative energy is not good regardless of what your situation is. I will have a positive mental attitude throughout this whole process. That is how I try to live my life anyway so this is not hard, but the pain from RA is no joke, it's my reality. But for now there is no sense in complaining...it is what it is and I know I will be OK.
After going through all these stages I realize I'm really an emotionally strong person and if it costs us all our life savings and we have a baby in the end, I will have not a single regret. Money is money, but giving up on a lifelong dream and what I know will complete Marcio and I as a couple is not an option now. We want to have a family so badly and if that's when I turn 40 and Marcio will be 42 so be it. We will be the fun, cool older parents and I'm OK with that.
For now we have the time and resources to make having a baby our #1 priority and I'm so thankful for that. We will know soon what the next month will entail. I have always said that I will put my heart and soul into whatever I want out of life and this is no exception. I continue to thank God for bringing the most amazing people into our lives that are committed to help us achieve our goal. God Bless you all.
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