Feeling the love...

Ever since we found out our last and final transfer worked I've felt so nervous and anxious. I keep telling myself everything is fine, our prayers are finally answered, everything is great, but for some reason I've been having trouble letting go of the nervous and anxious feelings. So when my sister, Mom and sister-in-law wanted to plan a shower for me I just wasn't sure if I would be able to really celebrate while I'm feeling this way. I think there are some real deep scares from all that we have been thru and as much as I can put that all in the past there is a part of me that won't relax until I'm holding Jake in my arms. But then my friend Stacey had a great point (as she often does) that now that I'm going to be a Mom, I will worry about my baby for the rest of my life. She said she would hate to see me miss out on having a shower and celebrating this special time. So after much thought and prayer, that I wont be an emotional mess the entire time, I agreed. It will be fun to celebrate this special time and get everything set up before the little guy arrives. As it turns out I had 2 showers. My work friends threw me a surprise shower in December, it was supposed to be our holiday party, but instead it was a shower for Jake. I was so touched by all the thought and deail they put into the party. And I surprised myself that I wasn't an emotional mess the entire time. The day before the shower I had one of those days that I was worrying (more than normal) about everything. I had a nightmare that Jake had downs and Katie knew but didn't want to tell us. So I emailed her and asked her a few questions about our recent ultrasound and then told her about my dream. And she made me feel better, as she always does, and told me that the special translucent ultrasound ruled out downs. I, of course, didn't put two and two together. I've tried not to ask alot of questions, I've just been so thankful after every apt that everything has been normal. So my bad for not asking more and making myself have crazy pregnancy dreams. Anyway, my Mom, Christine and Renny threw the most amazing shower ever. There was so much love and thought that went into every detail I will never forget how I felt that day. They did an airplane theme and it was so cute. The guests were greeted and offered an in flight snack and beverage. They had our due date printed on little flags on the straws in the beverages. They ordered Jake this adorable airplane that had a balloon attached to it, so cute. Around Christine's home was beautiful vases of tulips, roses and hydrangia, all my favorites. Then for lunch they made everyone their own personalized box lunch with Portillos chopped salad, sandwiches, chips and my moms lemon bread. All so delicious. I was so touched by all the thoughtful gifts everyone picked out for Jake. Honestly it was so overwhelming and I said to my sister a few days later that I hoped I was showing how thankful I was feeling. I really don't like being the center of attention, so I was just hoping that I wasn't coming accross unthankful. Everyone brought a book for Jake and wrote him a message inside. I waited to read all of the notes until after the shower....we are an emotional family, so it doesn't take much to get me going these days and I didn't want to end up being an emotional mess. It's kind of irronic that the shower was planned the day before my 40th birthday. I always said I would keep trying to have a baby until I turned 40. I told my family that I didn't want to do anything for my birthday I just wanted to focus on Jake and getting ready for his arrival. Having a baby has been my focus and priority for the past 6 years and my dream is finally coming true. I feel blessed and thankful beyond words to be able to celebrate and share this exciting time with all my friends and family. I pray that I continue to feel the love and from this special day for a long time.