It's amazing at how things can change in such a short amount of time. My focus and energy for the past 2 months has been on what our next step will be in our family building goal. We are still on the waiting list for our referral from South Korea, but I'm afraid that still may take a while. So our surrogate still wants to help us in trying another IVF round. She called us in early January and told us she has a friend that would like to help us out by being our egg donor. Marcio and I were so excited to receive this news and begin yet another journey to fulfill our dream of becoming parents.
So let the phone calls, emails and coordination begin! As I begin contacting the doctors, attorney and psychologist I realize how I'm struggling with the fact that I will not be having a biological child of my own. I'm not one to sit around crying feeling sorry for myself, but this has hit me hard and I think it's in part because I always thought we would have one biological child out of the 9 embryos we produced. I know that I will love any child God places in our life...be that thru adoption, egg donation or biological, but there has just been something tugging at my heart strings and emotions.
Last week I met with my RA doc and we talked a bit more about our family building plans and he agreed to look further into how my RA drugs may affect my egg quality. He also suggested that I see my OB and ask him. I called the OB's office as soon as I left and they had an opening to see me in 30 minutes. Great, let's keep the ball rolling. After explaining my situation with my Doc, he suggested we do some blood work and schedule an ultra sound to see how things look. We discussed the success rates are much higher with egg donors vs. my older eggs and based on how much financially, emotionally and time we have to keep trying our options may be limited. Well, I'm running low on all of the above, but need sometime to think about all this. He did not feel being on my RA drugs should be an issue. Great news there. So I took my emotional self home to ponder his advice and talked to Marcio. After much thought and we decided the most important thing right now is to have a baby and therefore our egg donor is our best option for success, so we will move forward with her.
As I continue to think about all this, since time is what I have the most of these days and I'm not sure whether that is a good thing or not. Anyway, I got thinking wondering if our insurance would cover me. I also received a call from my OB's PA and she said that my test was inconclusive since they don't know when I ovulate, she suggested retesting me in 10 days. She also brought up a great idea and suggested that I could co-stimulate with our donor and then see what the best embryos were and go from there. Great idea! After talking to our doctor's office in California, she said they could do that, but it would be double the cost. Not Great. But that brought me back to my initial thought to check our insurance. Well after speaking with them they do cover my costs and our egg donor, just not our surrogate. I'm on cloud 100 right now. So this is my focus for now and we will see where it goes. I may not have good enough quality eggs, but if that is the case then I think that will be the closure I need to fully embrace egg donation.
I often think of this journey as a winding road with many bumps and forks in the road where we are forced to make decisions, but I also see this road lined with beautiful trees and budding flowers that represent the people that are helping us in this journey....whether it be our surrogate, egg donor, doctors and nurses, attorneys or family and friends that support and love us unconditionally. They all play their own very important part in this journey with us.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Looking Back on 2010...
I have been meaning to post for a while now.....at the end of each year I always like to reflect on the past year as I look forward to what the new year will bring. 2010 was a very busy year with it's share of highlights and lowlights. First and foremost I feel so blessed for my family and friends. I have an amazing husband who is my rock of support through the bumps of life. As the years go by I feel like our relationship grows stronger and stronger and for that I feel so fortunate and thankful. I have always had a close relationship with my family and I feel blessed that we spend alot of time together and are always there for eachother. I talk to my Mom and sister almost everyday and see all of my family at least once a week. My sister-in-law owns her own company and I was so thankful that she hired me to help her with the coordination of some really amazing weddings. I've always known how talented she is, but being able to see her "in action" has really been fun, I admire the way she runs a successful busniess and is an amazing Mom. I feel blessed for this opportunity and we have become so close during this time, she is always so supportive and caring to me and all we are going thru. Her office is out of there home so on the 2 or 3 days a week I worked with her I would see my niece, nephew and my brother too. When the office work started slowing down Renny asked if I would like to watch my niece one day a week.....ummm let me think...YES!! Thursday's turned out to be my favorite day of the week!!
When I really think about 2010 I can't believe how busy we were. I will start with the highlights first....
In March my Mom and I met my brother and his family in Disneyworld to celebrate his 40th birthday. We all had a great time at the parks, hanging at the pool drinking Mai Tai's and my nephew was 4 at the time and it was really fun to see him so excited to see the characters. My brother loves Disney and it was the perfect place to celebrate his 40th. I'm so thankful he included me and my Mom on the trip. I have always looked up to my brother and I admire what a fun and loving Dad he has become. My sister and I were asked to be the 2010 Arthritis Foundation Chicago Walk Honorees. My sister and I are so close and share so many similarities, RA being one of them. We had a great time raising money for a charity that is very important to both of us. Right after the walk Marcio and I left for California to meet our surrogate and the doctors to start the process. We had an amazing trip and feel so blessed that she has decided to help us out. We enjoyed the summer, went to a few Cubs games, celebrated the Hawks winning the Stanley Cup, enjoyed some outdoor concerts, bbq's with our families, celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary and on March 31st marked my 10 year anniversary of being cancer free! This is not something I ever make a big deal to say anything to my family or friends, but for me it is a day I will never forget and each year on March 31st I thank God for another year of being cancer free. I kind of think of it as my secret little holiday. I also had my 20th class reunion which I was the main planner for the festivities. We had a blast, all my best friends came home and we were able to spend some good quality time together. Then 2 weeks later I was co-chair for the Arthritis Foundation's Gala auction. This could also go on my lowlights of 2010, because I nearly killed myself trying to get donation and then worked the event until 1am. Thankfully my Mom was there with me. My friend Lynne came through with a signed hockey stick from the Stanley Cup Blackhawks team. She is amazing and I was so thankful for her help. My Dad also helped a ton by asking his friends for popcorn machines, DePaul and Bulls tickets. We finished off the year with a trip back to California for our last transfer. nbsp; The last highlight for the year was my sister and brother in law are expecting their first child in August 2011. We are all so excited for our extended family to grow and we know Christine and Jim are going to make amazing parents.
Now for the lowlights....
The biggest hardship of my life happened Aug 31st.....we had to say goodbye to our beloved Tommyboy. He had a large mass that the vet found in Febraury, he survived the surgery and was doing great up until the third week in August. We knew it was time to say goodbye, but to this day I miss him so much. I'm actually crying as I write about it. We did plant a nice rose of sharron bush by his favorite spot in our yard and my family gave us money to buy an adirondack chair to go next to it. This will be a real nice memorial spot for him. We also had our last transfer fail, we received this news the day before Thanksgiving. I also had 2 surgeries....my 5th tendon repair for a ruptured tendon on my left hand in Janurary and hip replacement in November, both went fine and I'm all healed up.
As I put my recap of 2010 in writing I realize how much more time I spend talking about the highlights and even though we had some real challenges this past year. I will continue to focus on all that I have to be thankful for and stay focused on my dreams and goals. I am so blessed in my life and I refuse to allow anything to bring me down or change me as a person. Don't get me wrong, I feel sad for what we lost, but I have a choice in how I respond to what life presents me.
When I really think about 2010 I can't believe how busy we were. I will start with the highlights first....
In March my Mom and I met my brother and his family in Disneyworld to celebrate his 40th birthday. We all had a great time at the parks, hanging at the pool drinking Mai Tai's and my nephew was 4 at the time and it was really fun to see him so excited to see the characters. My brother loves Disney and it was the perfect place to celebrate his 40th. I'm so thankful he included me and my Mom on the trip. I have always looked up to my brother and I admire what a fun and loving Dad he has become. My sister and I were asked to be the 2010 Arthritis Foundation Chicago Walk Honorees. My sister and I are so close and share so many similarities, RA being one of them. We had a great time raising money for a charity that is very important to both of us. Right after the walk Marcio and I left for California to meet our surrogate and the doctors to start the process. We had an amazing trip and feel so blessed that she has decided to help us out. We enjoyed the summer, went to a few Cubs games, celebrated the Hawks winning the Stanley Cup, enjoyed some outdoor concerts, bbq's with our families, celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary and on March 31st marked my 10 year anniversary of being cancer free! This is not something I ever make a big deal to say anything to my family or friends, but for me it is a day I will never forget and each year on March 31st I thank God for another year of being cancer free. I kind of think of it as my secret little holiday. I also had my 20th class reunion which I was the main planner for the festivities. We had a blast, all my best friends came home and we were able to spend some good quality time together. Then 2 weeks later I was co-chair for the Arthritis Foundation's Gala auction. This could also go on my lowlights of 2010, because I nearly killed myself trying to get donation and then worked the event until 1am. Thankfully my Mom was there with me. My friend Lynne came through with a signed hockey stick from the Stanley Cup Blackhawks team. She is amazing and I was so thankful for her help. My Dad also helped a ton by asking his friends for popcorn machines, DePaul and Bulls tickets. We finished off the year with a trip back to California for our last transfer. nbsp; The last highlight for the year was my sister and brother in law are expecting their first child in August 2011. We are all so excited for our extended family to grow and we know Christine and Jim are going to make amazing parents.
Now for the lowlights....
The biggest hardship of my life happened Aug 31st.....we had to say goodbye to our beloved Tommyboy. He had a large mass that the vet found in Febraury, he survived the surgery and was doing great up until the third week in August. We knew it was time to say goodbye, but to this day I miss him so much. I'm actually crying as I write about it. We did plant a nice rose of sharron bush by his favorite spot in our yard and my family gave us money to buy an adirondack chair to go next to it. This will be a real nice memorial spot for him. We also had our last transfer fail, we received this news the day before Thanksgiving. I also had 2 surgeries....my 5th tendon repair for a ruptured tendon on my left hand in Janurary and hip replacement in November, both went fine and I'm all healed up.
As I put my recap of 2010 in writing I realize how much more time I spend talking about the highlights and even though we had some real challenges this past year. I will continue to focus on all that I have to be thankful for and stay focused on my dreams and goals. I am so blessed in my life and I refuse to allow anything to bring me down or change me as a person. Don't get me wrong, I feel sad for what we lost, but I have a choice in how I respond to what life presents me.
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